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Thread: Profit > Prophet

  1. #1
    dead on revival soulstice.'s Avatar
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    Profit > Prophet

    For every yard you lose I gain inches, plus I'm still the king of the village
    Replacing yellow bricks with gold ones, building with amazing precision
    If your off to see the wizard, you'll need to pay for a visit!
    I don't care if your maimed with a sickness, I'll get paid if your living
    It's time to face your say-less existence - you'll be beat in no time
    I'm a sole soul, no, wait I sold mine
    & Thats a school, but in a week it'll be a gold mine
    I control dimes and dollars - plus I'm farming lies
    When I marginalize the fucking middle class they can
    Kiss my republican ass!
    All these starving guys want food cause theyre paying for pills
    They can talk to the other group that's insane but filled
    But they all bitch about thirst - but ain't the rain distilled?
    At least I'm famous still, my buddies take half your income
    So it makes it easier for me to hack and slash through the system
    And if you don't like it, then I'll haul your ass to prison, listen
    While all you do tasks for a living, I'm getting money from lobbyists
    That's why there's guns in your neighborhood and cops are on improper shit
    And I don't even bother with it - kill that baby, cut those taxes
    Send them all to prison, teach them to love their magnums
    Fuck the masses, you'd agree if you could see from my own perspective
    And I'll be damned if those homeless grow dependent
    And I'll support the death penalty until birth rates slow or descend, see
    I'm no public enemy
    I'll let someone else handle the hobbit-ridden streets
    (my assassins) And I won't admit defeat
    When my son commits a crime because his blood is linked to me!
    We do no wrong, my rich white boy's diligent, a wizard of efficiency
    Unlike the poor who whore space and exist for free
    Listen to me - kill that murderer unless hes a rich resident
    In which case, I say we vote that kid president
    Why think differently? We all know money's a little relevant
    And that makes the rich a small minority
    Poor fuckers extorting me - so what if they vote for change?
    How can we hope to slow their souls today,
    You asked?
    Well, my motions great, it'll make these folks sadder
    We can invent some nonsense so their votes won't matter!
    We can put our guys in there and then pull up the rope ladder
    We ought to make it sound smart - to control matters
    A fali-safe, if in an event we get ignored or abolished
    Oh, I got it - How bout the electoral college?
    And to the best of their knowledge, we're still playing fair
    It'll be great when I get money for a nations great dispair




    decided to put this up to freshen OM a bit.. and of course, to get a bit of feed while all the leagues are stagnant.. chea

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  2. #2
    dead on revival soulstice.'s Avatar
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  3. #3
    Newbie Mystik Taktix's Avatar
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    Re: Profit > Prophet

    this is pretty good
    -i noticed the interlocking rhyme-scheme that u mentioned on mine, it freshened up the whole thing and made it fun to read. Especially this line:

    I'm a sole soul, no, wait I sold mine
    & Thats a school, but in a week it'll be a gold mine
    I control dimes and dollars - plus I'm farming lies
    When I marginalize the fucking middle class they can
    Kiss my republican ass!


    rolled off so well, when i read it aloud it made me smile. but i certainly hope that you are sarcastically remarking against marginalizing the middle class cuz i crucify conservative christains. anyways, what i didnt llike was that your message wasnt as clear. i read it a couple of times and noticed that you mentioned class warfare and the title seemed to make it more clear what you were getting at. well done but i would work on making this one whole piece rather than a whole bunch of lines

    feedback, so check it:
    here

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  4. #4
    dead on revival soulstice.'s Avatar
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    Re: Profit > Prophet

    thanks, im glad you read and actually absorbed my feed about rhyme scheme...

    and to your comment about marginalizing the middle class.. this piece is pretty much a speech or soliloquy from a rich corrupt politician and how he wants the nation to be run..

    link 2 - http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....html?t=374993

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  5. #5
    dead on revival soulstice.'s Avatar
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    Re: Profit > Prophet

    r u kiddin me i fed like 4 pieces assholes

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  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Re: Profit > Prophet

    this is dope... good flow through, vocab was on point... and love the rhymescheme... very nice... man, i cant find anything to complain about.... dope piece man

  7. #7
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Re: Profit > Prophet

    i nominated you... this shit was dope

  8. #8
    dead on revival soulstice.'s Avatar
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    Re: Profit > Prophet

    ehhh

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  9. #9
    dead on revival soulstice.'s Avatar
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    Re: Profit > Prophet

    ohhh

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  10. #10
    Soule
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    Re: Profit > Prophet

    Personally, I think your poetry is 100x better then your topical. But this still wasn't bad. I just felt some lines were witty, while most others seemed rather repetive, like it was nearly the same as a line 1-3 lines before. The wording was pretty good for the most part, but the flow was a bit sketchy... it didn't come off the mind or tongue quite as clear and fluent as it could have been man. Rhymescheme was kind of boring... your internals were rare and quite bland. And your ending syllable rhymes was a bit eh as well. The concept was alright, but your imagery lacked a bit. Not too many REAL described or used visuals. Emotion didn't show much to me...

    I don't know, I LOVE your poetry. But can never really get into your topical work. Sorry man. You don't have to return the favor on anything.

  11. #11
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Re: Profit > Prophet

    Read this in SS as well, I think it's good you took off that meat picture as it didn't really add to the piece. Anyhow, I think this piece is perfect for what it was, a politicians soliliquay as you put it. Just for people who don't know Soliliquays are like speeches so you shouldn't expect an imagery enriched piece as it would be pretencious. This was real, it was good. The piece was fluid which is more important than having a wicked flow, it's fluidity and it was easy for me to get into and complete the piece. Good work, I never found any parts bland so to speak.

  12. #12
    dead on revival soulstice.'s Avatar
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    Re: Profit > Prophet

    conflicting feeds..
    thanks to both

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  13. #13
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    Re: Profit > Prophet

    Damn, this shit was right up my alley. The content was flawless.. the execution was right and the flow was superb. The piece was just ill fam... i would quote, but i would be qouting the entire piece. Great job fam. Keep writing.

    pz

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  14. #14
    dead on revival soulstice.'s Avatar
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    Re: Profit > Prophet

    thanks

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  15. #15
    Jesus
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    Re: Profit > Prophet

    I think this was pretty good. Nice imagery and although i thought it could have been a little more clear your execution was good. Your rhyme scheme was really good, i really liked it alot. I love pieces on this subject so i may be kind of a sucker for this because of that but its still really good
    Hit N' Run


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